Don't try to Save me when I'm tired

Originally posted to ThisManMustBeStopped.com on 10/16/2007:

This was an interesting "first" for me - a missionary knocked on my door last Saturday morning. No, it wasn't the Mormons. It was a Jehovah's Witness.

Normally I'm down with talking some wacky-ass theology, but I had just awakened, and the house was in no fit state to have a stranger sit down. So I dismissed him as politely as I could.

It occurs to me that, in the final analysis, that might be a fatal flaw with door-to-door missionary work: do you really feel comfortable inviting someone inside your house, unannounced? I don't even feel comfortable buying girl scout cookies from a girl scout at my door. If she wanted to come inside I'd freak.

As far as performance goes, for the brief time I was with him, I wasn't impressed with the Witness's delivery. His opening line sucked - "Why do you think bad things happen to good people?" Well, from what little I know of Jehovah's Witness theology, the answer is either they're not really good people, or we live in a world ruled by Satan. Either way, that question invites a quick one-liner followed by a door in the face. You need a question that people can't close the door on.

I'm kicking myself now because I should have asked for a complimentary copy of 'The Watchtower.' That's what they do, right?

Now, if we were to meet at a third party location with some advance warning, I might be interested in talking. I could ask the guy whether he was one of the chosen 144,000; what Armageddon was going to be like; and why Jesus didn't start His millennial reign in 1975 like they said he would. (Seriously, that would have royally pissed me off if I'd been alive then. Imagine, I could have been born into a world in which Our Lord and Savior was reigning o'er his earthly kingdom... if the Jehovah's Witnesses hadn't screwed the pooch on the date.)

Bottom line is: don't try to Save me when I'm tired. I'll turn you away & go right back to sleep.

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